6 Months to Go - and the Start of a New Year!

Dec. 29th marked 6 months until our wedding day!  While I am so excited - it's starting to get real.  There have been a lot of things I've put off "until 6 months".  Well, 6 months is here and decisions have to be made!  (AAAHHHH!!!)  In the very near future we will be:

• starting our registry - which of course means we need to decide what we need and where we want to register!
• choosing bridesmaids dresses - my bridesmaids and I have looked a few times and I'm leaning towards a dress, but no decisions have been made...yet...
• cake - we need to choose a bakery (preferably one that is not ridiculously overpriced) and then choose the flavors.  This is one task James is looking forward to - he's been asking for tastings for months now!
• purchasing my accessories - I have not yet purchased shoes.  Yes, there was a blog entry over a month ago about shoes and I have yet to commit.  I will be doing this and hopefully getting my jewelry soon as well
• transportation - we need to get the wedding party from the chapel, around for pictures, and then to the reception.  We also need to get guests from the hotel to the reception.

In the slightly more distant future:

• choosing invitations - I've liked aspects of a few, so may put them together myself...total disaster?  We'll see what I decide!
• re-meeting with the florist and planning decorations
• food tasting at the country club to choose entrees
• choosing and assembling place cards and programs
• creating a seating chart - the dreaded dinner seating assignments.  My plan right now is to create a diagram and use different color paper tabs to represent different groups (Thompsons, Barrs, friends, coworkers, etc)

Mix in a bridal shower or two and a bachelorette party and these next few months are going to be busy!  

I cant' believe it's already the end of 2012!  When we got engaged, almost a year ago, and set our date for summer 2013 it seemed so far off.  In the blink of an eye we've been engaged for a year, moved in together, planned, and invested time in our relationship.  We've had definite ups and downs in 2012 and look forward to 2013.  Here's to a year of love, laughter, learning, growth, and friendship - CHEERS!

The Holidays - New Traditions

Because my family lives in WI and James' family lives in VA, our plan is to alternate spending  Thanksgiving and Christmas with each family.  We haven't started the alternating until this year - I am staying in VA for Christmas and celebrating with James and his family.  While I am so excited to spend Christmas with James for the first time, I am sad about not being with my family.  I am comfortable and used to my family and our traditions - I love them!  I always look forward to eating the Christmas Eve food my mom makes (that my grandma made before she passed away).  I like to see my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We've started a gift swap exchange that has been a lot of fun...  

I don't know what to expect with James' family for Christmas.  They have their traditions - although I'm sure none too different from ours, they will be different.  I've asked James a bunch of questions - what times we go where, what to wear, who we give gifts to.  It's foreign to me when typically the holidays are full of wonderful tradition.  But that's part of getting married and blending families, right?  Learning new traditions and creating our own.  I am so lucky because James' family is great - they are so nice to me and welcome me to any event.  They include me in everything they do as a family.  I can't imagine entering a family where that wasn't the case!  How terrible to dread holidays and family gatherings because you don't get along with your (future) in-laws.  I'm sure this Christmas will be fantastic and I will learn new traditions while James and I create a few of our own.  

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends!  Enjoy spending time with your families this holiday season and may you find comfort and joy in the traditions, new and old.  

Update:  It's Christmas night and I wanted to add that the past two days have been hard for me - I've cried twice, my mom has cried, and I've missed seeing my family.  I LOVED being with James this morning to open gifts and check our stockings.  James's family was wonderful and we shared great faith, food (Barr/McElfresh/Rose chefs - mmmmm), gifts, and conversation.  Don't get me wrong, it was lovely but it wasn't the same.  I'm sure this routine will get easier and start to feel "right" but honestly, this Christmas just didn't feel the same.  I am grateful for my family, my "new" family, and my friends who all love me so much - if they didn't I wouldn't have things to miss or other good stories and traditions to pick up.  I hope they know how much I love them and treasure them in return.

Pinterest

I have been "pinning" ideas for our wedding on Pintrest since before James and I were engaged - yes, I'll admit it!  I titled it "Someday" so it was ok...  Anyways, Pintrest has given me so many ideas - and so many things I can't imagine pulling off or wanting to pull off - for the wedding.  From decor to gowns to cakes to bridesmaids gifts, Pintrest has ideas for it all.  I've loved it!  At some point I know I will have to stop looking though, or I will never make any decisions!  

Another great use for Pintrest is for advice.  There are links to blogs about DIY do's and don'ts.  There are links to date night ideas or special anniversary gift ideas.  I found this blog today and I think it's great: 25 Tips of a Successful Marriage.  I'm not sure about all of the advice given here but a lot of it is wonderful.  

If you aren't on Pintrest, I recommend it.  You can get ideas for literally everything on there - recipes, gifts, events, fashion, architecture...you name it!  As a final thought:  I am so excited for our wedding - and then for our marriage.  I couldn't imagine a better match for me if tried.  My dream is to think that same thought in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years.  I am confident that with a little love, work, and laughter, I will!

BM Dress Shopping

I took to opportunity to go shopping for bridesmaids dresses while I was home in WI for Thanksgiving.  I was lucky enough to get all 4 of my Midwest girls and my mom together to grab lunch and then look at dresses.  We had a great time!  When we went into the store, I had the idea of finding a dress color/designer and letting each bridesmaid choose their dress style.  So we went to work pulling dresses.

We pulled quite a few to try on and start figuring out what features we liked and which features wanted to avoid.  We all decided that we didn't like shiny/reflective fabrics (such as satin).  I liked a more structured, sophisticated look.  I also realized that I wanted something that didn't look "bridesmaid-y".  We agreed that we liked sweetheart necklines.  As we got into it, we all were in agreement on a lot of things - so, we went in looking for a general color or designer and ended up all having one favorite.  Both Laura and Jen tried it on and it looked fabulous on both of them.  In the end, all SIX of us chose the same dress as a favorite.  We have a contender.

While the girls tried on dresses, I got a glass of champagne!

I took this information back to VA and shared with my VA bridesmaids.  Today the four of us and James's mom went out looking at dresses.  Of course, Williamsburg Bridal and Formal carried the line of dresses that our favorite was a part of, but didn't have that dress in store.  We went about our appointment in the same way as we had in Milwaukee.  We pulled a lot of dresses and began trying them on.  As we went through, there were aspects of a lot of dresses that we liked but not many that we loved.  We didn't all agree on what we liked and didn't, but we agreed that most weren't it.  Finally, we did find one dress that we all really liked and that looked good on both Catherine and Sarah.  Another contender!  

Now, to share photos of all the dresses with all bridesmaids and moms and see what people think.  We were able to get a photo of different dresses in the shades of purple that our choices came in.  So many variables and so many choices!  I want to get what I like - obviously, it's my wedding - but I also want my ladies to feel confident and comfortable and to love their dresses.  These aren't cheap, so I want them to at least like what they get.  Luckily we have all been in agreement and on the same page so far.

 Here's a few pictures of the dresses that were tried on.

These are the color options - not dress styles.

Preparing for the MARRIAGE

We haven't done much in the way of decision making and wedding planning since my last post.  We have done a lot of marriage preparation, though.  James and I are Catholic and are marrying in the church.  As such, we are asked to participate in a number of marriage prep appointments - with a facilitator from the parish, with the priest who will be marrying us (Fr. Sean Prince - St. Bede), and a pre-cana course.  We've started or finished all of these sessions, and overall I have found them to be useful.  

When meeting with the facilitator from St. Bede, we completed the FOCCUS inventory and have been going over the results.  This has provided us with some insights - we agreed to be honest when answering the questions (...because that's the point...) and some things were upsetting and others just informative.  (For the record, I have only cried twice.)  One of the biggest things we have realized is that we have made a lot of assumptions about our future and how we expect things to go, but we haven't actually DISCUSSED some of these things.  For instance, family is very important to both of us, but our personal experiences growing up have been different.  Even though both of our sets of parents were and still are happily married, different parents took different roles for each of us.  This will affect how we expect each other to act as parents.  Another area that we need to think about and discuss is budget and finance.  We've had some general discussions, but not nearly specific enough.  We finish our meetings with the facilitator this weekend.

Meeting with Fr. Prince has been really nice but also challenging.  James and I live together.  This is not in agreement with the Catholic church's preferences.  So, Fr. Prince challenged us to live as roommates instead of as a couple - because if we are living that way now, what will change when we get married?  Why are we getting married, and more specifically why are we getting married in the church?  Good questions to think about.  He's also spent time getting to know us.  

Finally, we attended a pre-cana course this weekend.  This was probably the most tedious to get through, but I think that may have been because we have had a lot of the conversations with our FOCCUS facilitator and Fr. Prince (finance and budgets came up again, dealing with conflict and emotional intimacy were topics).  Of course, there was some new information and tips learned - just not 10 hours worth of it.

When James and I talked to our friends about this portion of the time spent before the wedding, most think we have so many obligations to fulfill and a lot of meetings to attend.  Many don't see the value in doing all of it - or any of it.  I have to disagree - I think it is an investment in our lives together.  We now know more about each other and have discussed things that we thought we'd covered but had only barely scratched the surface.  We have tools for "fighting fair" and red flags for common problems.  Do I think this will somehow prevent these problems from happening to us?  Of course not.  But we may have some knowledge or tools to deal with the problems.

After completing these exercises, I recommend that couples do some sort of marriage preparation.  Why go into the rest of your life blind?  Many studies and research have been done on these topics, so learn from it!  Why not prepare yourself for the marriage journey, just as you would for any other journey you're about to embark on.  It certainly hasn't hurt our relationship...  My advice: spend time investing in your marriage instead of only in your wedding day.

Wedding Cake

With so much time to go (about 8 months), I have been thinking about a lot of different things but not having to make any decisions - quite yet.  I have been thinking about the cake lately.  Wedding cakes are expensive - a lot of bakeries start at $3.50/head.  With an estimated 200 people coming to our wedding, that's $700 in cake!  That is A LOT of money!  Some people at the reception won't even take the cake, a lot of others will take it and eat one bite, and then a few will eat their whole serving.  I want the cake to be beautiful but I don't want to spend a fortune on it.  I was hoping for <$500.  Some ideas I've had to save:

• I am all for getting a smaller tiered cake and then sheet cake for serving, if it will save money.  
• There are a number of local part-time bakers who may be able to make the cake more affordable for us
• Search HIGH and LOW for a bakery that is more reasonable!  Maybe a newer bakery or a smaller one.  

For now, a few pictures of cakes that I've seen and really loved:

Do you have any favorites?  Leave me a comment with your thoughts!

Do you have any recommendations for bakeries in the Hampton Roads/Richmond area?

9 Months to Go...

The Knot has so kindly reminded me that today we are 9 months from our wedding date!  Here's a short list of some of the items I've been working on/thinking about lately.

• Wedding shoes - still haven't ordered them but I am also still liking the same pair.  I'm pretty confident I know what I want, but I am nervous about the heel height.  We'll see.  I have a feeling I'll choose fashion over comfort.  (I can always take them off to dance, right?!)
• Bridesmaids dresses - I have no idea what I am going to go with at this point.  There are so many pretty dresses out there.  I have decided to head in to a bridal store to look at and feel some of these fabrics.  I HAVE decided to go with a dark shade of purple and lighten it up for a summery feel with accessories and flowers.
• Music - we have our DJ but I've been listening to songs to dance our first dance to, dance with my dad to, and for James to dance with his mom too.  This is so much fun!  I am so sappy and sentimental - I am looking for just the right song.  Everytime I think I find what I like, I hear another song that's great!  I have a feeling this will be a decision that will change many times in the next few months - good thing we have that time.  Have I told you who we chose for our DJ? Amanda with Fat Cat DJ and Karaoke - NO we will not have karaoke at our reception, so don't get your hopes up!  :-)
• My Accessories - I got my dress in August (YAY!) and then went on a search for the sash and veil.  I was so frustrated with the cost of these items in stores - it increases the cost of the bridal fashion by HUNDREDS of dollars!  I was on a mission to find these items at a reasonable rate while still getting the look I want.  I found just that at a factory direct website - Wedding Factory Direct.  The site is associated with a bridal store in MA and this portion of their business provides the accessories and other products to bridal salons.  I'm not sure the site is intended for individuals, but I was able to place my order without problem.  I received my items and love them!  When it's all said and done, I estimate I saved over $250 by finding and using this website.  I recommend you check them out!
• Readers - we need people to read at our ceremony.  I'm not sure where to go for these participants - cousins?  Aunts/uncles?  Friends?  I thought of my Godparents, but I'm not sure either would be comfortable reading in front of that many people.  We're putting that together as we go along.

I think that's about it for the past few weeks.  Having school start back up is a definite distraction from wedding planning.  I'm glad we got a lot of the "major" things out of the way this summer.  Still to come - cake tasting, bridesmaid dress shopping, showers and bachelorette party, lighting, and then details, details, DETAILS!  I'm still having fun with this and I hope it continues to be fun instead of stressful. 

What It's REALLY About

In the midst of all the wedding planning, it's easy to get caught up and forget what this whole time is about - James and I are getting married and starting a life together, it's not just a big party.  Don't get me wrong, it will be a big party, but that's not the most important part.  The past few days have really reinforced the life part.  James's grandfather passed away.  He was buried and his life celebrated yesterday.  I am lucky enough to already feel like a part of the Barr family.  His parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins - everyone - have been so welcoming and loving.  Much of this is because of the example set by Roy Barr, Grampy.  He was interested in everyone he met and valued the good in all people.  I loved the opportunity to get to know him and I know he is excited for our marriage.  (And I know he will be there with my grandparents, watching over and blessing the event.)  James and I hope to follow in the example that he and Grammy set - married for 58 years and dedicated to what really matters - love, family, education, travel, and knowledge.  I feel blessed to not only welcome James into my family but also to be a part of his.  I think of stories people tell about their terrible in-laws and feel so fortunate that that will never be the case for James and me.  Thank you to be Barr and McElfresh families for loving me and for so completely welcoming me into your families.  To my family, thank you for loving and welcoming James.  

The Shoes!

Since I found my dress, I have been thinking about the shoes.  I want to wear some pretty amazing shoes on our wedding day.  I love the pics of the rings on the bride's heel, or on the shoes somehow.  I love pics of the bride and groom's feet - bride's fun shoes and groom's fun socks.  But to find the right shoes - the right color, cute, embellished, manageable heel (I'll be wearing them for HOURS!) - it's tough!  I have been looking at a variety of websites and can't decide between ruffles, bows, and crystals.  I think I've found the "perfect" pair, but then I think I have 9+ months left!  That's a lot of potential shoe finds!  I am also a bit worried about the height of the heel.  There is a hidden platform, so that helps, but even then the heels are 3.25 inches.  I am leaning towards buying these shoes and if I find something else I like better, I can return them later.  (I have checked the return policy and I have a year from purchase to return...so no worries there)  Here are a few of the shoes that have caught my eye...

These are in a variety of colors, but I am looking for purple!  My favorite (right now) is in there, but I won't tell you which - I do that a lot, not be be annoying but so that I don't worry about pleasing everyone and second guessing my own preferences.  I don't want to feel like people will think about what I could have chosen.  Instead, I want them to see what I have chosen and just love it - no other options to compare it to!

10 Month and Counting...

Today marks 10 months from our wedding day.  It seems like we have so much time until then - but it will go quickly!  We are starting a new school year (we're both teachers) - and that year will be over before we get married!  

We've been working on getting a few more major items checked off our To Do List.  We just chose our florist.  I met with a few local vendors and ended up choosing Morrison's Flowers and Gifts because Arlene seemed to listen to me and be on the same page as me.  She also went out of her way to make some mock up designs and show me my options.  I had a definite budget that I wanted to stay around and I wanted the flowers to be pretty uniform throughout.  A few vendors said they "got" what I was asking for - but then described adding more and more to the pieces.  Of course, I understand that they are trying to make money as a business, but I felt they also needed to keep with what I was asking for.  I am really excited with what I have chosen so far.  Of course, I have time to make changes, but I am loving the overall vision we (ok, I ) have developed for the flowers.

Coming up - continuing to think about the reception theme and me accepting that maybe I can't get everything 100% how I am envisioning.  Turns out I have pretty expensive taste!  Also, there are many details that aren't noticed as much.  Spending a lot of money on things that are left behind and thrown away (such as place cards) seems more and more wasteful.  We'll see what comes of all the thoughts, pintrest sessions, and worrying!

On a funny side note, James said he is happy that school is starting up again so I have something else to think/worry/talk about other than the wedding.  I guess I tend to become fixated on things!

Friendships and Choices

I've been thinking some about all of the people involved in our wedding - and also about those who may not be as involved as we'd like.  James and I have a relatively long engagement - about 18 months.  This is presenting interesting dilemmas.  We were engaged in January and waited until late February to ask people to be a part of our bridal party.  It was a difficult thing, choosing from our friends and family to put together our bridal party.  Some people are a given - my twin sister, for one - but then you get into choosing friends, some of which have been in our lives for years while others are more recent friends but have gotten close very quickly.  How do you include them all?  And how do you go about choosing without offending people?  We made our decisions and are happy about them, let me say that first, but as time has gone on I've gotten closer to other friends, too.  Choosing again now, I may make different decisions to be able to include them.  Obviously I can't do that now, but, because I can't help myself, I wonder what I'll think in another 6 months, and then another.  (I know, what a problem...having too many people to choose from to be a part of our wedding and having so many people want to be so involved!  We are truly lucky.)

The whole issue has me thinking of friendships in general.  It's interesting to reflect on the people in my life - those who have been there for me for years and those who I've just met and started to spend time with.  There are people who were such major parts of my life over the years but for whatever reason we've lost touch. (Some of these people I always imagined in my bridal party, but they're not...)  Others have become such a solid presence, I can't believe I've known them for only a few months.  None are more important than others, but friendships are different and serve different purposes.  I'm grateful for all of the wonderful, loving, inspiring people who have blessed my life, and who continue to do so.  If you are reading this and it makes you think of an old friend you haven't spoken to in awhile, call them - they'd love it! 

I Said YES To The Dress!

After going to a number of stores and trying on over 40 dresses, I bought my wedding dress today!  I had a handful of favorites that I've been thinking about and looking at pictures of since I tried on dresses with my family in July.  Those days were interesting - a lot of the dresses were gorgeous and were possibilities.  Some I put on and knew they weren't for me.  Mostly, I had to decide what I wanted to look and feel like on our wedding day.  I had narrowed it down to two, but really had one that kept popping into my mind.  The dresses were very different from one another - in fit and style.  One was a bit more of a traditional dress, the other not as much.  Again, I really had to decide how I envisioned myself looking on our wedding day.  I wanted to try on the dresses again and see what I thought.  Well, I did and I decided - it was actually easy.  I put on what will be my dress and just smiled.  I love it.  What does it look like, you ask...you'll have to wait and see!  My dress is one of the things that I want people to see on the day of our wedding.  I want to see people's initial reactions and feel beautiful and special.  :-)  Now to wait for 6 months for the dress to be made and shipped here...that is enough time to find jewelry and shoes, right?!

Planning is slow right now...

I realized the other night that I haven't updated you all about wedding planning in awhile - that's because there hasn't been that much going on!  We are a little less than 11 months away from our big day.  Here are a few of the things I've been working on:


(1)   I finalized our wedding hotel block - our guests will be staying at the fabulous Hospitality House in Williamsburg.  The hotels is literally right across the street from the chapel we'll be married in and where we're having our rehearsal dinner.  It is also very close to   Colonial Williamsburg and The College of William and Mary, which has a beautiful campus.  The city trolley stops right outside to provide easy and affordable transportation to other areas of Williamsburg.  Oh, and they offered us a great group rate - under $100 for standard rooms!  


(2)   I am still working on my dress.  I have been thinking about the ones I've tried on and mentally comparing them.  Thankfully, the stores allowed us to take photos, so I've pulled up various montages to compare what they looked like and what I want to look like on our wedding day.  I have narrowed my options to two, and really I think I have 95% decided on one dress.  I have an appointment to try on one of the dresses again.  After that, I hope to have a clearer vision and make a decision!


(3)   Pre-cana, or pre-marriage preparation, planning.  I contacted the priest who will be marrying us and he outlined the church's requirements for pre-marriage counseling and workshops.  We meet with him at least three times, attend a weekend pre-marriage course, and meet with a couple from the church to complete the FOCCUS Inventory and review the results.  I have to say, I am excited to start this aspect.  It will be nice to focus on our relationship and really look at areas that may work well and that may be sticking points for us in our relationship.  We have talked about a lot of our ideas and dreams - finances, parenting, etc - but having an organized and outside perspective will be nice!  I am hopeful that the time spent preparing for our marriage will serve us well as we move through our years together.


That's about it!  Of course, I have been thinking about centerpieces and flowers and such, but no planning or meetings yet.  I am attending a bridal show today, so maybe I'll come back with a few ideas and a few prizes won!  I'll let you know!


In other news - congratulations to one of the most fabulous couples I know - Emily Gerdelman and Matt Radjaneck - on their engagement and to my new friends Elizabeth Cavallari and Austin Ziltz on their wedding yesterday!

Hotel Accomodations

I've been working on getting a hotel or hotels for hotel blocks lately - our Save the Dates are going to go out soon so I want people to have all the info I can give them as soon as possible.  There is SO MUCH to consider when choosing the hotels.  Cost, of course, but also amenities and location.  If a hotel is more expensive but includes breakfast, is that preferred to a hotel that is less expensive but no breakfast?  How much is that breakfast worth?  One hotel is directly across the street from the rehearsal site and the chapel.  How convenient is that?!  I think I want to keep the choice(s) to one so that if we offer transportation to the reception, it's from one location.  If we have a gathering at some point during the weekend, everyone is in one location.  I'm narrowing it down, but everything requires a lot more thought and attention to detail than I originally envisioned - or maybe that's because I've been "red-flagging" everything and trying to predict possible conflicts or issues...  Just the way I am. 


On another note, the dress shopping is going well.  I've narrowed it down to 2 - 3 dresses.  Now it's just going back to those stores, trying on again, and really deciding what I want to look like on my wedding day!  It's not easy, but it is fun to put on all these gorgeous dresses!  

Dress shopping and hotel blocks

My parents and my sister are in town to do some wedding planning, put Save the Dates together, and visit a few hotels for wedding blocks.  We've discussed budgets and general ideas - not always and easy or optimistic topics but it has gone well.


Dress shopping has been so much fun!  I was quite nervous going into the first dress shop - Tiffany's Bridal in Richmond - but we had an AMAZING dress consultant, Chloe, who made me feel special and comfortable.  (It's not everyday you go into a dressing room with someone you just met and strip down to your underwear...)  My mom AND dad, and my sister were there for oohhing, aaahhing, and other more eloquent opinions of the various dresses.  After trying on a dozen plus dresses, I left with two favorites.  We then headed to Alfred Angelo, also in Richmond.  After a number of dresses, including a few inspired by Disney princesses, I left with another viable option.  I also left with a lot to think about.  What do I want to look like on my wedding day?  There were different styles and aspects of the dresses that I liked.  I slept on it and then headed to another bridal shop -  Williamsburg Bridal and Formal.  For this stop, my mom, James' mom, my sister, and James' sister gave their opinions.  I left with three more contenders!  But, I also eliminated two from day 1.  So, I have 4 dresses to think about and also if I want to keep going.  Will I find a dress I like at every store?  I feel like the dress is a HUGE decision!  I don't like to decide where to go for dinner, how will I decide on a dress for my wedding day?!


We also are taking advantage of time together to visit a few hotels and get information about wedding block rates.  And I am using the extra hands to put Save the Dates together and addressed.  


Things are coming along and getting more exciting...we'll see how I do.  I am getting a bit more stressed about making decisions and being comfortable.  I have a tendency to second guess and worry after I make a choice.    

Pre-Anniversary

Yesterday, James and I celebrated our "pre-anniversary" - perhaps an event that I made up, but I love it!  We are 365 days away from our wedding!  After a few days of worry (more about that in a second), we headed to Richmond for an afternoon and evening of fun!  We headed to the Science Museum of Virginia for the BodyWorlds exhibit.  A bit nerdy, sure, but I loved walking around, playing with the different exhibits and re-connecting with the medical side of me!  It was great.  I highly recommend the exhibit.  We then headed to Havana 59 for happy hour drinks then dinner.  This place was phenomenal!  I can't say enough about the drinks, food, and service.  We truly enjoyed every minute of our experience there and would recommend it in a heartbeat.  An interesting ending - they give you your bill with a postcard that you can fill out and they'll mail - for free!  What a cute little extra.  


So, what made us worry this week?  It's the church.  We still haven't gotten our official confirmation from the pastor at our church.  I thought perhaps they forgot to notify us that we were good to go, so I just emailed to check in on it - it has been about 8 weeks since we requested the date!  Well, we got a response that our marriage has not yet been signed off on by the pastor.  Nothing wrong with us as a couple, but there were "other factors" that were being considered.  That was as detailed an answer as we got...  I panicked!  What could these "other factors" be?  A double booking?  Church construction?  A church festival?  ...something else????  Of course, by the time I received this email, the church office was closed.  I could ask no more questions (well, I could ask questions but not get any answers)  I was left to ponder this for a whole day!  My mind was everywhere...will we need a new venue?  A new date?  
Finally, the next day, we were told that as our priests are being transitioned, one of the new priests will have to agree to preside over the ceremony.  The church can't officially approve the wedding ceremony until there is someone signed on to perform it.  Makes total sense and seems more like a technicality - in all likelihood one of these two will be available and there will be no issue.  On the off chance that neither can preside, we can provide our own officiant from a neighboring church.  So, after much worry, I feel better that we will not have to start over at square one!


So, we are now less than a year away!  I am excited to continue planning...We're in the middle of shopping for DJs; I'm thinking of some centerpiece and decor ideas.  What to tackle next?  

Keeping myself busy

I have been in a bit of a stand-still lately...we're a little over a year from the wedding (the Knot tells me 372 days!!) so there isn't much to decide about right now.  I have been thinking about a lot and looking at different websites, but no decisions have to be made this far in advance.  Still, I'll share some of the things I have been pondering lately:

• DJ - James and I have been researching and starting to meet with potential entertainment groups. What equipment do we need?  Subwoofers or no?  Uplighting, stage lighting, dance floor lighting?  Fog machine?  Bubble machine?  (Ok, I am not even considering a fog machine, but a bubble machine appeals to me...)  There are so many options and we are trying to decide what we want and what we can afford.  Also, what do we have already available to us from the reception venue.
• Bridesmaids dresses - it's just so much fun to look!  A lot of designers have started to put out their new fall collections so I have been looking at The Dessy Group just loving dress after dress.  Here are a few of my favorites, although none in what I think is my favorite purple shade:

I'm liking lace:

What about a mix and match of (BM choice):

(or any AlfredSung...love his collection!)

•  Reception - We are going to limit the children attending our wedding reception to those 12 and older.  We made this decision for numerous reasons - cost, chaos, and parent enjoyment (we want this to be an opportunity for our friends to really celebrate with us and not have to leave early or worry about their kids), etc.  What is the most tactful way to get this information to our friends and family?  Put adult only reception on the invite?  Put it on the website and hope people see it?  Add an additional information card in the invitations for those families to which this applies?  I am going to offer help finding childcare for those from out of town - how will they know who to call for a responsible sitter?  So far, it's on the website (not yet ready for public viewing) and I think I like the additional insert idea for those invitations.  We'll see...
• Transportation - I know we need to have transportation for us and our wedding party, but what about our guests because the ceremony and the reception are in different locations (about 5 miles apart)?  I am particularly concerned about this because of the number of out of town guests I foresee coming to the wedding (ie all my family and friends from WI).  Some of my friends have told me that it is nice, but I need to stop trying to solve everyone else's "potential" problems for the weekend...  I just can't help it.  I am a "red-flagger".

So, those are the top few things that have kept my mind busy the past few days.  I am looking forward to going to a bridal show in Richmond on Sunday.  I anticipate an update after talking to some vendors, entering for a few drawings, and watching a wedding fashion show!

Picture Proofs!

We got the proofs from our engagement pictures and they turned out great!  Here are a few of our favorites...  (photos courtesy of: Gene King, creativeworth.com)

Now how to decide what to use for Save the Dates and newspaper announcements...  :-) 

Engagement Pictures!

James and I took engagement pictures tonight!  We had such a fun time.  We spent about an hour with our photographer and took a number of what I hope to be great shots.  We posed, smiled, laughed, and kissed.  Our photographer, Gene King, was great.  I have been a bit nervous about our choice because he is an older, more experienced photographer, and I didn't know if he'd be more traditional and posed rather than creative and natural.  We did take some posed shots, but he was creative, thoughtful, and relaxed too.  He gave great direction and seemed to be having fun right along with us.  That's one reservation I had that I can let go of.  We'll have wonderful photos to document our wedding day.  I can't wait to see the online proofs and choose our Save the Date photo!  And get prints of the best poses to have in our home, of course.  Not sure what I'll be working on next, but with school ending I'm sure I'll fill my free time with wedding ideas, phone calls, and planning.  James asked when we get to start the fun stuff, like cake tasting...maybe sometime soon!

Save the Dates

My wedding planning focus this week has been on choosing our Save the Dates.  My thoughts have been focused on two things:  matching the invitations and being memorable and creative.


I know Save the Date cards don't have to match the invitations, but I do like that idea.  The thing about going ahead with that plan: I need to know what we want our invitations to look like now...far before we'd have to order them.  I have been looking at a lot of websites for designs and prices (man, these can get expensive - and don't forget all of the inserts that need to be ordered as well!)  I have come back to the same design a couple of times so I think it is a front runner but there are just so many options out there.  And of course, we could have a graphic designer create something just for us.  But that just makes me think $$$.  The worrier in me thinks we will choose one and then find another we like better.   


I have decided that I need to shift my thinking.  No one will see the ones we didn't choose - so they can't compare and wish we'd chosen something else (and yes, James has been giving his input on designs that he likes and doesn't!)  And really, would anyone do that?  People will come to our wedding to celebrate our lives and our love - not our choice in stationary.  So, it looks like we are deciding and going to pull the trigger and order the Save the Dates.  They are ones that match the invitations we like.  If a few months from now I change my mind, no big deal because the Save the Dates and the invitations don't have to match anyways!


Now, making them memorable and creative...  Our photographer includes magnets with our engagement session, so we will be using those as part of our Save the Date.  But what to do that would make our photo fun, memorable, and creative - and represent us?


Make and bring signs?

Writing on the bottom of the shoes is cute....

Simple banner

Sidewalk Chalk?

Ok...probably not the sidewalk chalk but these and others (many found on Pintrest) have got me thinking.  Our final decision?  You'll have to wait and see when they're sent out!  Now to decide on outfits for the photo session....

Wedding Dress Shopping

The next big planning event on the list is my dress shopping.  I have very mixed feelings about this.  As time goes on since we have been engaged, I am getting more and more anxious and excited to go dress shopping.  That being said, I am also really nervous about it.  I will be IN a wedding dress...the only wedding dress I've ever had on is my mom's (and that's not gonna make the cut, sorry mom).  Putting on a dress will make this all so much more real.  In all of my "visions" of my wedding day the strangest thing is that I have never, ever been able to see myself or a dress in them.  I envision the colors and the sites, what I'd want for decor and cake, but I have never been able to put myself in the bridal shoes.  {This has always puzzled/worried me a bit, to be honest.  Like maybe I am not seeing it because I am not supposed to be in that role...}  I think the first store we go to for dress shopping will be in for a emotional bride-to-be!


The other challenge with dress shopping is the where.  I absolutely want my (twin) sister and my mom there - and no one else!  I want the dress to be a surprise for everyone...  The problem with that is that I live in VA and they both live in WI.  So, would it be easier for me (one person) to fly home to shop then either have a dress shipped here for alteration or find it there and order it here?  Or should they (two people) come here so we can shop, order, and have alterations at one store?  Another thought we had was cost.  Things out here have been trending more expensive, so would it be worth my trip to WI to shop and save money?  We decided to call a boutique in WI and in VA and ask the cost of one particular dress, to see if there was a difference in price quote.  There was a difference - $100, cheaper in WI.  That, to me, was not a significant difference, especially when you consider shipping costs.  So, what to do?  I thought about it for a few days and, honestly, was only considering going to WI to make it easier and cheaper for my family.  I decided that this was an important enough decision and part of the wedding that I need to do what I think will be best and easiest for me.  That ended up being shopping here in VA so that when I find my dress, I have a relationship with the staff at the store and, hopefully, I'll get better service.  I can't imagine how irritated the store would have been had I purchased a dress elsewhere and just brought it in for alterations!


So now, what style do I want?!  I think I have an idea, but I want to keep an open mind.  I've watched too much Say Yes to the Dress to go in with one idea.  They always put a girl in a style that she was sure wasn't for her and then - bam! tears and "the feeling".  Below are a few dresses I think are GORGEOUS!  Not sure of the cost, or if I really want any for me, but enjoy!


Alfred Angelo

Mori Lee - Most of my favorites from online shopping have been Mori Lee

David's Bridal  has some pretty dresses...and they are more affordable, but does the quality reflect that?

Not sure of the designer of this one...found it on Google...

Ok, after searching for a few pics to share, I'm really excited to dress shop!  July 10th - 13th (when my family will be out here for shopping) can't come soon enough!

Learning to be Gracious

James and I had the pleasure of hosting an engagement/housewarming party for our family and friends here in Williamsburg last night.  It was a GREAT party!  Over 25 of our family and friends celebrated with us.  We ate and drank the night away (until almost 3am!).  The only thing that would have been better is if my family and friends from WI could have been here too.  One thing I realized though, is that I need to learn to just be gracious.  I didn't expect people to bring gifts, although some did.  Instead of just saying thank you and accepting them, I kept saying "you didn't have to bring anything" or "I should have put no gifts on the invite".  Talking with James today, I worried that people felt obligated to bring something.  He didn't see it that way.  He said that our friends and family love us and are happy for us - that's why they gave us gifts.  He is 100% right.  [...did I really just put that in writing?!  I suppose it was bound to happen sometime ;-) ]


Another example of this came last night when someone complimented the food I had prepared saying he was impressed that I had really spent some time and put a lot together.  Instead of just saying "thanks, I hope you enjoy!", I almost argued saying it wasn't much trouble at all and of course I had food, it was a party.  Why is it hard to just accept people's thoughtfulness, appreciation, and compliments?  Thinking about it, I do this quite often.  I minimize the time and effort I put into things.  When people notice, I say it's no big deal.  I need to stop that and re-focus.  I need to accept people's appreciation and compliments.  Not doing so is not only minimizing the value of my time and effort, but minimizing their attention, thoughts, and time to say something nice.  It's ok to take time and accept compliments when they are given.  Especially with this year of wedding planning and then the actual day, we will be putting a lot of time and effort in and people will notice (I hope!); we will be the center of attention and I need to learn to enjoy it instead of down play it.  With the busyness and negativity in the world, it really is a special thing to have so many lovely, considerate, and appreciative people in our lives.  And it's ok to realize that I am that type of person to my family and friends too.  

Second Guessing

Now that decisions are being made, I am second guessing them.  Not the venues:  St. Bede's Chapel and Colonial Heritage are exactly what we want - and I envisioned - for our wedding.  Other decisions, though, such as the photographer and the entertainment are not as easy.  We've booked our photographer and we really like him.  Check out his work: Gene King, Creative Worth Photography  We feel he is moderately priced and a great value for his experience and "extras" however, I am sure I could find a less experienced photographer for less.  With all the photos taken on our wedding day, wouldn't any photographer get some good shots?  It's just there are certain shots - his face when he first sees me, our first kiss, etc - that can't be missed.  When I go back through, I am happy with our choice and I've decided to stop googling more photographers - I am driving myself crazy!  


I am at this very odd point right now where it is too early to make a lot of decisions (thus allowing for time to second guess the ones we have made) but I am really anxious to get things done!  I will be dress shopping in a month or two, so then I'll feel like we're making moves!

First Major Meltdown - CHECK!

Thursday was a huge day for us in our wedding planning - we confirmed our reception venue and put down the deposit!  So exciting....and expensive...and stressful...  My parents have given us a VERY generous budget to work with while planning our wedding.  Unfortunately, everything out here in VA is more expensive than in the midwest and the budget isn't going as far as we'd like it to.  So far, we have the church, reception, and the photographer and we're already stretching it thin.  In my mind, on Thursday, I thought "I need a few more things for the day of - a dress, entertainment, flowers, transportation - we can't be getting this close to budget this soon..."  Ok, that is the nice, summarized version of all my thoughts.  Enter stressed, frustrated, (kind of mean) Kristin...


In response to my (over)reaction, some people just said "don't worry, things will work out"  Me: "HOW?!  Money just doesn't appear!"  I appreciate the thought, but that doesn't do it to calm me down.  <insert various frustrated, impatient and sometimes rude comments here :-/ > Finally, I got to thinking about the decisions we had made.  Our reception venue is exactly what we want and it includes things like decorations and centerpieces that we can choose from and use on our day.  Our photographer's contract includes an engagement session, bridal sitting, and tons of prints - even engagement prints we could use for Save the Dates.  Potential huge savings!  Oh, and we have a year to save up.  We have known from the start that we'd need to save money to contribute for the wedding so now it's a matter of making a plan.  Both James and I are coaching this spring.  Our stipends - go to savings.  I was just hired to teach summer school - money can go to savings.  Our next year's tax returns - savings.  Those things will add up quickly!  We can do it...and that isn't even considering any changes to save money in our everyday lives.  We need to be careful with how often we go out to dinner, drinks, and travel.  We don't have a very active summer planned - only one vacation to the beach planned.  This reduced spending will add up over a full year.  It's a matter of keeping things prioritized and looking at the big picture.


Turns out my patient family and friends were right, everything will work out.  But in the moment, I needed something to back that statement up.  James and I will need to be more careful with our future decisions and realize that the extra $100 for this and $500 for that add up in the end.  Our wedding will be perfect, just how we want it, and we will not have to break the bank for it.  I am getting excited about continuing to plan and figure out new, fun, creative ways to make this day our own!

Date: DONE!

Well, it took a few emails and then some phone calls........and then another round of emails and phone calls.....but we have a WEDDING DATE!  James and I will be married at St. Bede on June 29th, 2013!  This was not one of the dates we went into this process with as an option, but we are so happy with it.  On our "first" date, the reception venue was available but the church was booked.  On our back up, the opposite was true: church available and, after a few phone calles, the reception site was not.  In speaking with the coordinator at St. Bede, they also had June 29th...so I asked the reception venue if they had it available and they DID!  James and I talked about what we had for options and made a quick decision - use the venues we love on another date.  Who knows...this date may work out better.  We're both teachers and the 29th will give us two weeks after school gets out to rest and finish details for the wedding.  With my worry and self-imposed stress, not having the end of the school year and all that brings followed immediately by the wedding is probably a very good thing.  Here's to hoping that summer doesn't come early next year and the weather in late June is beautiful!  


When it comes down to it:  the date is set and WE'RE REALLY GETTING MARRIED!